Marriage is a mystery. The coming together of two opposite sex in holy matrimony to become ‘one flesh’ is indeed a lifetime contract, people from different background, race, education and social status. This is the gift of God to mankind.
Marriage is lifetime contract that is why it must be built on love not on materialism.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed not to be endured.
Even if your marriage is in trouble or at the verge of separation, there are things that can be done to save such marriage, they are:
Love is the force that breaks every barrier that tries to pull down any relationship in marriage. Love is practical and it shows concern. Any marriage built on love does not fade.
The Bible says “love covers multitude of sins (1 Pet.4:8)
Love is one of the law of intimacy (1 Cor 13:4-7) love is the foundation of marriage.
The Bible also says that:
- Love is kind
- Love does not boast
- Love is patient
- Love does not envy
- Love is give and take
- Love is not rude
- Love keeps no record of wrongs
- Love is not easily angered
- Love is not self seeking
- Love is not proud
- Love does not delight in evil
- Love protects
- Love trusts
- Love perseveres
Love is the bedrock of a successful marriage. Couples must love each other to fulfil the purpose of God in marriage.
No marriage succeeds without true love. True love that is not bias.
Many husbands and wives these days live in pretence. They have deceitful heart. They pretend to be in love outside but they live like cat and rat at home.
Have the love in your marriage gone sour, if yes, you can make it sweet again through the help of God and your determination to make it sweet again.
May be you loved him because of his money but now the money has disappeared as a result you now hate him.
Attitude here means manner. Are you the quarrelsome type or the peaceful type?
Your attitude has to do with the way you behave to your husband. Your attitude can either be positive or negative. Your attitude can make or mar the peace in your family.
Your manner of approach to issues will determine the level of happiness existing in your family as Bible says in Prov. 15:11.
Some women teach their children to disrespect their father because he is not meeting up with their needs.
My question here is, is that attitude good? That is a question you should answer.
That takes me to …..
Don’t Sell Your Husband To The Children And The Public:
Do not tell your children how much their father had not been able to fend for them or give them the basic needs of life. Many tell their friends about their husband’s weakness, what they do and what they cannot do as a husband.
So many of us are fund of telling our children what their father did not do for them as they were growing up, maybe as a result of financial constrains or otherwise, without knowing we are creating enemity between the children and their father which will eventually lead to hatred for their father and division in the house.
If the man is not truly born again, he may decide to take another wife so that he bear other children that will take care of him at old age.
Commitment and Determination:
When you determine in your mind that this marriage must work, you will be committed to make it work. You will do all you can to make sure the marriage works out.
A woman may remain committed to their marriage because of their children or because of a duty they feel toward God, the Originator of marriage. (Genesis 2:22-24) such motives will help a marriage survive difficult times.
Tolerance means accepting one another, tolerating one another, doing things without the other.
In marriage ‘no one is an island’. Here the man is the head while the woman is the neck and the body. The head cannot stay without the neck and the body and the neck and body cannot operate without the head.
This means that we must tolerate one another for a successful marriage. Tolerance is the key to a successful marriage.
Tolerate one another offences. Marriage is full of nonsense but you have to be willing to tolerate the nonsense as much as possible.
In the quest of tolerance:
“Overlook his minor faults
Note that one bad day is not a bad marriage
Words spoken in anger should not offend you”
Forgiveness means letting go, forgiven one another. Letting go of any issues or offences which could bring hindrances in your marriage.
Forgiveness is a matter of the heart, make up your mind to forgive and let go, because forgiveness enhances (improves/boosts) continuity in marriage.
Offences are bound to come in marriage but the most important thing is the ability to overlook such offences when they come. When mistakes and offences are overlooked, it helps to create room for happy marriage.
Forgiveness has to do with tolerance, understanding, overlooking offences and most times playing the fool, all for the sake of love and existence of your marriage.
Stop storing offences in your heart, your dairy and even using your brain as recorder.
Improve And Make Your Communication Effective:
Communication is a means to let out information to one another. Communication is not complete when information is sent and there is no feedback. When information is sent, a feedback is needed to make it complete.
What comes out your mouth is very important. Prov. 18:21 “death and life are in the power of tongue; ….
You should develop the attitude of discussing issues that concern the family, avoid sweeping issues under the carpet. Try to settle issues once and for all and once it is settled do not remember them again but if they are swept under the carpet, one day they will come up again and as you keep storing unsettled issues under the carpet it will definitely explode and cause trouble which cannot be controlled.
When issues arise, be specific.
Listen without being defensive. For a marriage to succeed, both spouses must be able to hear each other’s complaints without getting defensive.
Express negative feelings constructively. There are times when you feel bitterness, anger, disappointment or disapproval. These feelings need to be communicated in order to avoid a repeat.
Freely express positive feelings. Most people are quicker to express negative feelings than positive ones. It is very important to the health of your marriage that you verify your spouse. Positive feelings such as appreciation, affection, respect, admiration, approval, and warmth expressed to your spouse are like making deposits into your love account. You should have five positive deposits for every one negative. If your compliments exceed your complaints, your spouse will pay attention to your grievances. If your complaints exceed your compliments, your criticism will fall on deaf ears.
Effective communication eradicates third party settlement in your marriage.
STOP Complaining Instead Pray:
Above all, when there is a challenge in your marriage, instead of complaining to families, friends and neigbours, go to your creator (GOD) in prayers for His divine intervention and restoration to make your marriage sweet again.